Sunday, January 31, 2010

BB Yon 1st day at Sapura Smart School



Dadi...today is her 1st day at school. She has been so nervous since we got to KL but like what you have always said and reminded them all those years...just be yourself. I believe there are mixed emotions for her. If only you are here to hear her rambling early this morning. She sounds like an old woman. All goes well today...the traffic and registration. I took a peep into her class and it seems that she was surrounded by lots of giants...her classmates were much bigger and taller than her. Dadi you will always be on our mind..more now than before..every matters than comes our way will direct our thoughts to you because we can feel your presence near us in all that we do...thank you Dadi...physically you are not with us but spiritually you are near...

Sunday, January 24, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


Dear Dadi,
Its 40 days since you left us...people says time will heal a broken heart but unfortunately not this heart mine. Why do you have to go dadi? This few days is the worst of my days without you but who would understand and who cares anyway...its my very own sorrow to carry. Sometimes I feel that its just yesterday that we started that journey with Mr C and you were so full of determination to fight it. You were so strong and positive Dadi...never thought that you would let go. I am so sorry that I could not do much for you...every day there were regrets for me...if only there was a second chance given to me I would have grab it now and exchanging it for you to come home to us...loving and missing you more...

Monday, January 18, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


Hey Pink Panther....U look so yummy here...this photo was taken in October, 2009...enjoying part of his days while in NCI...he wakes up around 8:30am daily then he exercised...then he shower...then its breakfast time and last medications time and then we are ready for his treatment...either radiotherapy or chemo. After treatment its car ride time plus ice cream...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


The one thing that both of us loves to do during our times in Nilai was to talk silly to each other...although you were always in pain you never failed to cheer me up and have numerous humorous moments..should be the other way round ...the caregiver should be the one comforting the patient...but not you daddy. Remember the time when we were in Prince Court...told you that you MUST BE STRONG to fight Mr C and that you must never let go...and not to leave me alone in this cruel world...your reply was...don't worry because you will find me an apek for my companion...daddy there will never be another YOU in my life...not even an apek and pls don't send me any apek..don't need any apek...or I will get Mr Kuki to munch him up for his meal...I pray that all the angels and the saints will have lots of homorous moments with you there...love you Pink Panther.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

An extract from the book...The Holy Souls - "Viva Padre Pio"


A sharing from this book and it consoles me to a certain degree..."VIVA PADRE PIO"...our dearest beloved Simon Sudin never fails to pray to Saint Pio....page 75...reads on: It would be a great mistake to say: " I will give myself to God when I am old," and expect to change our hearts at the moment of death. Just as nobody becomes bad suddenly, so too nobody can become good in a moment. And remeber; death can be something very sudden. Is it worth the risk? Death is frightening, so it is said. But it is not so much death itself that frightens us but rather the act of dying. It is the terror of a moment, not of eternity, that frightens us. So many questions arise: What will that moment be like? How long will it last? Who will assist me? Will I be alone? Where will I be? In the house, on the roadd, while working, whilr praying or while sinning? When will it surprise me? The thought of being alone, face to face with death, the victim and the executioner, terrifies me. It has been said that to die is the most difficult trial of life, but it is not true. It is the only thing everybody knows how to do! The newborn and the centenarian alike, the genius and the idiot, the saint and the rogue. Just as we pass from infancy to childhood, from childhood to youth, from youth to maturity and so to old age, in the same way we pass from life to death.
Seen in the light of God, death become a sweet encounter. It becomes not a sunset but a beautiful dawn, the forerunner to eternal life with God. When the heart is filled with God, death no longer frightens, but it becomes a sweet caress-the caresses of God as He welcomes His creatures. And so it is seen by the saints as it should be,because when the hour of death arrives, it will mean that our exile is almost over; the goal is near. The only thing we can do is invoke our celestial mother: "Holy mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death."
When our eyes close forever and a crucifix is placed in our hands, just as a sword used to be put into the hands of a soldier, the crucifix will be the golden hammer with which we shall knock at the door of eternity. At our hammering, that door will open and an immense light will invade our eyes and a voice sweeter than any melody will say: "Well done, good and faithfull servant. Enter the joy of your Master." (Mt 25:21)

God Almighty blesses all...

Friday, January 15, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...

Coping with the sudden departure of a dearest loved one is a challenge...a huge one indeed. If we said that we are prepared for it...I really wonder how true can that be because by each passing day we go through a different episode of emotions...from sadness,grief,loneliness,emptiness...my head spins just thinking about it. Oh dear Good merciful Lord...sometimes I want to ******* for taking Pink Panther away from me. In the first place why do you have to give him to me....whyyyyyyy? I try to console myself now and then because I am just tired of feeling this way...macam mau explode saja....ayerrrr...take this feelings away pleaseeeee...I want to come home and expect to see you sitting in our living room...you watching your endless golf programs...and for me to call for the girls to make your coffee...I want to run around for you...to do your chores...I want to collect and do your "after golf laundry"...I want to cook and prepare your favourite food...I want to drive you around to all your favourite coffee shops for your kampua...I want to listen to your endless scoldings...correcting and reminding me of my faults and mistakes...I want to hear you to remind me to drive on the left handside of the road for driving so slow and telling me to walk instead...I want to hear you nagging me about forever messing up the newspaper after reading it...I missed calling you...hey uglyman...whatcha doin? The reply I get will be you calling me "stupid woman"...I feel like dying too you know...I don't like this feeling at all..life is so unfair...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


Since you been gone...a month passes us by...your 3 chuchamunggas still grieving for you...just the mention of your name bring tears to our eyes...daddy,uglyman,daddymonster,pink panther...thats what we called you. Ya daddy...we sure do miss you so much...sometimes we feel that you will come home...from where you are...that this is just a temporary separation. Now how assuring can that be right? At times I wished that it was ME who went away and not you...I have to carry on now...filling up the role as daddy & mummy to the girls. If only you know what I am going through now...but I guess you know and you are watching me...right? You better be watching because if I do fall and stumble and hurt myself...YOU are not there to pick me up....

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...

Hey u Uglyman...so miss calling you by that name daddy...
I just wanna share that i feel so hopeless today...went to a dear friend's house last nite daddy...Uncle John Kodok's wife passed away all so suddenly...just like yourself with the same sickness too...she's my age...43 and turning 44 in 10th March..remember how she jokes around and how much she kept herself so pretty and till her death she still maintained that beauty. With friends departing from us and from this world...left and right...its so unbearable...i bottled up my tears and emotions...but my heart bleeds because it reminds me of of your own sudden departure from us...daddy you should see how your girls comforted me when I do break down...sorry that I let myself go in front of them...its just impossible not to...everyday is a revelation for me...all the things that I have to discover now..its an eye opening...a sword that pierces through me..like u always said...never ever takes things for granted..and that's just so YOU daddy...does it have to be this painful to make us learn and change our ways...well let me tell you indeed its so painful...there are just so many unanswered "what ifs.." and its a complicated lesson. How I wished that the others may learnt from all these... but despite all that, I am so appreciative of the last 5 months that we spent together...a true quality time...and I believe it to be so because you never missed telling people on how you have rediscovered me after all those donkey years...come to think of it that was our long overdue second honeymoon which we were supposed to have and never did...mainly because of your work and commitments. I don't blame you because you have a very good loving heart...you just have to make sure that everything goes well...we 3 chuchamunngas missed you so much...Oh Lord grant Eternal rest upon the soul of our beloved Simon Sudin, Let your perpetual light shine upon him and may his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed thru the mercy of God rest in peace...Amen

Sunday, January 10, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


Dear Pink Panther
I am counting the days that I cannot come and visit your grave,to lit candles daily and to place flowers there,say prayers for you there beside your grave...I know for real its just your nearness that I am clinging to..that your body is snugly fit into that coffin... but my love.. your soul is all over the place looking,watching and following us ...just thinking of leaving our home and the memories behind makes me cry. I wonder If I can do it..living a life without you to reprimand and correct my every movement and actions plus my silly childish thoughts...God please listen to my cry of help and plight...please..please..pliz????

Thursday, January 7, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...

My Dear Pink Panther
I thought and believe that I was strong and capable of handling all these outstanding legal documentations that needs to be settled but I am such a big failure case to myself. I hate it so much... going thru this phase.... My tears are still flowing for you and knowing that I have to face this crazy mad world without you. YOU..the main inspiration and pillar of motivation & strength for the girls and me. No one and nothing can replace that in our lives now...I know you would want us to move on but its so complicated to do so...I just I want to sleep it off and search for you in my dreams and get you back to us or at least talk to me in those dreams and advice me on all those urgent issues. I am so scared you know... what if my plans and decisions are wrong...please pray for all of our needs daddy from there...luv and misses you so much...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...


Going through your things that were sent from the office...holding back my tears..I can feel you,can see you,your voice and all those familiar sounds and things you used to say...I cannot continue..hurts so much. You left me with no words of comfort or said your last goodbyes..I was the one who said Goodbye to you..now I am all alone looking at all these jigsaw puzzles of life you left me. Should I be complaining to you Lord? For taking him away so soon..at such critical moment? I have so much to do in so little time now...may the Lord grant me the graces to be strong like you...Amen

Friday, January 1, 2010

WITHOUT YOU...






Hey Pink Panther
This morning after morning mass we went to the cemetery... to fly Pheonne's balloon with her PMR result slip attached to it....as she has promised in her last letter to you. May you see it and grab the string to catch the result slip...am very sure you are proud of her.