Bumblebee's Corner

2nd Year Without You...

2011-12-15T09:51:00.000-08:00

15th December is here again....accompanied with sadness and tears to our eyes. The last few days the girls had been asking me: Mummy are you ok? And Charen this afternoon..sent me messages: Mummy....I hope you are ok....Today is just not normal at all.....

Yes dear...it's 2 years today that you left us and where we reluctantly let you go....to free you from all the pains. I know your pains and what you went through.... I know you fight so hard..to be strong and not just for yourself but for us too..the love ones you left behind. I remember whispering to your ears.....to let go when the time comes and to give you that little assurance that I Will be fine....and be strong like you.

I will forever be reminded of your endless jokes....And that..." Today is better than Yesterday". You just don't know and will never know how much we missed you Pink Panther..just to mention your name in our daily conversation will bring tears.

But then your memories will be our strength.There are things that we refused to change just to hold you close and that we can cling onto....

There are times that I really wished you to be around and be with us again because I know that you can handle issues better..whereby you are always so cool and positive and I am nothing like you.

Your 2 darling Chuchamunggas are doing great and they will definitely make you proud. They really do missed you so much...

I pray that the Lord Our God will grant mercy upon your soul and that you will enjoy the bliss of heaven and life eternal.

Daddy dearest...we luv you and we missed you...

For the love of a girl who turns 17 on 12th December...

2011-12-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Pink Panther...see who turns 17 today...Miss Banoon!!!!! You were with our thoughts all the way dear...Charen came back from Malacca and we gave her a midnight birthday toast which i know you would be doing if you were still around...love uuuuuuuu....

Moving On....Hello Pink Panther...BB Yon is done with SPM and Sapura Smart School. The next destination is SC...

2011-11-29T18:22:00.000-08:00

Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares To You (Lyrics).wmv

2011-10-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

For Pink Panther...

2011-09-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

O God, Merciful Father and God of all consolation

I come to you on behalf of my deceased husband.

Lord sometimes it is very hard to understand Your ways and to accept your will

Still, I trust in You, my Father.

Today I give to You the soul of Simon Sudin, my dearest beloved husband,

And I beg You to bring him into Your bosom.

He is your child, O Father

Have mercy on him.

Dear Lord Jesus

You are the resurrection and the Life

Just as Martha and Mary grieved for their brother Lazarus,

So I grieved for my dearest beloved spouse.

Even so Lord, I place all my trust and hope in YOU and in your promise of eternal life.

You died to save us,

And you are our Mediator with the Father.

Bring my dearest one into your presence in the company of the saints.

Mercifully grant him Your rest and joy in the light of his faithfulness to You and to his vocation.

Through the intercession of Mary,

May I one day join him in the complete bliss of the Beatific Vision.

O Mary, look upon my dearest one with pity and please bring him to Paradise, his true country.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.

may his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace.

Amen.

Faustina Faith Philia's Baptism

2011-08-21T22:22:00.001-07:00

Faustina Faith Philia with her Aki Anyau & Nenek Chula

FFP with her Mummy & Mami Wai Judy

Nya sduai iya...Pitut & God Mum... Mami Wai Judy

Amen enggau Father John ko Faustina Faith Philia...

An occasion that is filled with rejoices of thanksgiving

for FFP's baptism dated 20th August 2011....finally its fulfilled through God's mighty plan..God be with us all...

How they have grown up...CCGS & PNBS

2011-08-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

They are my angels when they cheer and brightened my "low and grey days"and my heartbreakers too when they are up to some mischief and the nonsense that teens grow up with these days. I am sure every parents go thru that so enjoy them while we can and before we realized it....they are on their way. A daily prayer and blessing for them is a must for me the minute they step their itchy twitching feet out of the house.

Girls...chuchamungas...forgive Mami if sometimes I failed to express my affection...I know both of you need lots of it...but heyyyyyy...we three still have each other...

PNBS....soon will be officially 17 years old by the end of the year...

with her God-mum Dorothy Adrian during her confirmation

the reluctant "piyunhantas"

CCGS ... is now 19 years old

with her Aki

with her camera

with her 19th birthday cake

with her God-mum Dorothy Adrian

Happenings in May 2011

2011-05-12T04:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Pink Panther

Your Big Chuchamungga girl turns 19th years old on 7th May, 2011

She is quiet a character since you left us....

The month of May is very special to all of us...its Mother Mary's month, there's mine and Charen's birthday and our wedding anniversary and will ends up with Aki Amat's birthday.

Deep down in each of our heart and mind we really wish that you can be here with us.

We love and miss u....so much.

Act of Mercy...

2011-05-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

While the whole world seems to rejoice in the death of Osama Bin Laden..this morning I begin to question myself...should i rejoice myself too? It is very disturbing for me indeed. We all know the violent and the barbaric acts attached to the late Osama but then who are we to judge him. I was sharing with a dear friend and I praise the Lord for I have a friend who share the same views as I do. I asked and which I believed to be the most silly question of the decade...well to me it is..."Shall we pray for Osama's soul or shall we continue to condemn and judged him?"

The answer was: OUR LORD DIED FOR THE WHOLE WORLD AND HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE AND SO OF COURSE WE MUST PRAY FOR OSAMA'S SOUL......

And so fellow Christians lets put aside our remarks and say a humble prayer for Osama's soul.

I just would like to take this opportunity to share our late Pope John Paul II's act of mercy and forgiveness towards Mehmet Ali Agca who attempted to shoot our Pope but failed in May 13, 1981.

Our Pope during Christmas 1983 visited Mehmet Ali Agca in prison...talked and forgave him and in February 2005 Pope John Paul II received a handwritten letter in Italian from Mehmet Ali Agca...wishing the pope a speedy recovery. Its touching but yet its a real life drama for us catholic christians....and so lets join hands and pray. God bless all.

NOVENA TO THE SACRED HEART OF JESUS

2011-04-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

Praised be the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and redeemer...

Let us today start our above Novena on the 7th April, 2011 and ends on the 15th April,2011 and pray for the grace of freedom of religion practices, for all fellow Sarawakians to vote wisely and for all evil works that exists within this election period will varnish to the deepest hell and never to re-surface again. Amen.

My Pink Panther

2011-02-28T04:43:00.000-08:00

I browse your FB and reading all the past postings...miss you...

OST Lagenda Budak Setan - Bila Cinta with lyric

2011-02-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

Prayer for the Dead - Queen of the Rosary

2011-02-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

A very beautiful prayer and somehow today I was so touched after reciting it...though I have been reciting it for ages...today was exceptional...may be that's why Mother Mary says: To pray with our heart and not our lips...have a blessed day to all.

Queen of the Rosary

Thou didst rejoice in God thy Savior, consenting to be the Mother of Him who would bring salvation to souls.

Thou didst announce His mercy as extending from generation to generation.

Thou didst proclaim His kindness to the lowly, His mercy in feeding the hungry, His pity in remembering His servants.

Mother of Jesus, appeal to Him, therefore, on behalf of his servants, the souls in purgatory crying from the depths and hungering for the countenance of God, that they too may rejoice in His salvation.

Queen of the Rosary

Thou didst suffer with Jesus in His Passion, accepting the office of Mother of mankind at the foot of the cross.

Behold, Mother, thy children whom He commended to thy care.

Behold the souls ransomed with the blood of thy Son.

Behold the just suffering in purgatory, who ask to be remembered by thee.

Mother of mankind, speak to thy son on behalf of those souls we commend to thee, that they may be speedily released from pain and admitted to Paradise, to the company of Jesus and thee.

Queen of the Rosary

Thou has be enthroned in heaven, not only for thine own sake but also for ours.

To thy hands has been committed the distribution of favors and graces.

Thy power reaches from the Church Triumphant to the Church Militant and the Church Suffering.

To Thee then, O Queen of mercy, who dwells in the heavens, we banished children of Eve lift up our eyes and hearts on behalf of the souls of the departed, that thou look with favor upon them and bring them from captivity into the freedom of glorious Zion.

Queen of the Rosary

help our dear ones who have departed this life; our spouse, parents,pastors,relatives,friends,benefactors,associates of the rosary and every suffering and deserving soul, that their night of sorrow being ended they may be born to the eternal dawn.

Offer for them thy joys,sorrows,glories, that thy power may supply what is lacking in our won, thy holiness for our sinfulness, thy love for our indifference, thy power for our weakness.

Win for those whom we have lost, the companionship of angels and saints in dwellings of light and peace; obtain for us that we may rejoin them one day in happiness unending.

Amen.

A Bonus Conversation for the Year 2011

2011-01-09T17:59:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year...never too late...9 days of the Year 2011. May our Lord grant us happiness,joy,peace and all the blessings and graces to enable us to continue on this life's journey.

The bonus conversation for the year...is between my dad and myself. It was right after the contractor completed the installation of the laminated floor to my kitchen...

SRS: So I guess you are not coming back to Sarawak anymore?

I was stunned...shocked...speechless...and facing him I asked...

Me: Daddy...what do you mean?

SRS: Well...look at this place...its already a home. You have everything here...you made everything fit so nicely.

I wanted to cry listening to what my dad have said...

Me: Daddy...how can you say that? Of course I am still coming home to BINTULU...which is my home and I am still keeping that house in Bintulu. That is home to the children and myself...its just that for now I need to get away from there...away from those memories. This one will be our 2nd home and I need to make it "homely" otherwise I will never get to settle down here...and its a gift to my two girls...a place they can called another home which is away from Bintulu...

SRS: Ok...and he turned away...

That conversation remains and lingers in my mind till today...and daddy has been calling me everyday since he went home last Friday...

15th December,2010...a year today.

2010-12-14T22:50:00.000-08:00

Here we are today...a year since the much loved Pink Panther left us. Its been a year and we are still mourning for you dear...there are times that memories floods in and so do the tears...

The girls are doing great...stronger than me actually...I am very proud of them...Charraine is already starting to apply her "legal skills" with me now and then and your Banoon girl just turned 16 of aged last week and it was the most saddest affair for me...the month of december is no longer a beautiful month for us...where we used to plan for our year end holidays,setting up the xmas tree and the surprised presents and your endless happy hours...its our 1st Christmas without you...we love you and missed you so much. We pray God will grant you eternal rest and let perpetual light shine upon you and may you rest in peace....

A Breakthrough.....

2010-09-22T05:20:00.000-07:00

Triumph....

So today is history? May be...just may be...get up and move on Judy...that's the message for me. It will not mean that I am going to forget of your passing Pink Panther but it is because of what you meant to me that I am moving on and doing something close to my heart. I am so glad to have people who meant nothing to me in the past but at this very moment I give my praises and thanks to GOD for sending them to me. I pray that YOU O LORD bless them ever more today and everyday. It was a moment of truth,revelation and an awakening point for me. Lord...I pray for your continuous guidance and for your light to shine upon me as I take this particular path. Amen.

Saying our final goodbyes to Brother Dennis Jau...

2010-09-20T02:50:00.000-07:00

Our dearest brother Dennis Jau was called home by our Lord on the 18th September, 2010 after fighting and wrestling with colon cancer...another attacked of cancer among us. He left behind 5 children and a very loving & patient wife...our sister Lucy.

I knew him when we were in KTDTHB, Miri....such a humble,quiet and jovial person.

We met up again in Bintulu...we were reunited when we join the english cell group.

The last fellowship that we had was at our sister Dorothy & Alex Ali's house sometime in June...to celebrate Gawai and also Father's day....

From the photos we can see how healthy and fit he was at that time...

We can only planned but God's hand is on the mighty button which will determined when our time on earth will expire...

Are we ready when that time comes?

One thing I know for sure...our brother Dennis was ready.

Lord,

Our creator and to whom we all have to go home to...

My mind gets so silly at times...when YOU called us home

One by one...

Watching our loved ones and friends left this cruel and temporary place

Its just like...

Me asking...

When will it be my time to go Lord?

Can I come now please?

Please...lead the way for me....

Then the answer...

Not yet...

There's still so much to do...

That's for each and one of us I believe...

Work for him...his plans...his will

Then...

May be...just may be

our Time will come sooner...

For the time being...lets continue to praise God and serve him..

Lord,

May you take and lead our Brother Dennis home

To that kingdom of yours and the promised of life eternal

Grant O Lord

Eternal rest upon him

Let your perpetual light shine upon him

And may he rest in Peace.

Amen.

Enrique Iglesias- Hero (with lyrics)

2010-08-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

" Till death do us part ...."

2010-08-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I was sharing with my daughter about the loss of our dearest beloved Pink Panther...telling her how I always imagined that he is always with me..he is my imaginary companion now Charen. His belongings and photos that I kept on purpose so that I will see and feel his presence everywhere...I need all that to strengthened me so that I will not feel so ALONE and abandoned...

Anyway the message that I want to share on this blog is what my daughter said...so there is no "till death do us part kan mummy". Nya...nama utai munyi nya?

Indeed I agree with you Charen. For mummy and daddy there is definitely a big "NO" to "till death do us part"...it some how has lead mummy grew closer to Pink Panther daily and it always refreshed my mind about the good old days...

Dear Lord...today and everyday I will continue to lift up the soul of Simon Sudin for his daily cleansing and purifications and that LORD will grant him eternal rest and his soul rest in peace.

Amen.

August....2010

2010-08-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time...since I last share my thoughts here...June 24th....and now its August...2010 so unbelievable.

Last year around this time is where our journey began where it ends in such a tragic manner. Pink Panther...not a day goes by me that I am not thinking of you. The memories still remains within me. You are every where...at times I can feel your presence near me and thats when the "niagara fall" is at work...luv and miss you so much...

Christ & Me Walks...

2010-06-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord Grant me the graces today to being able to bring myself to walk with You...teach us to accept our sufferings,failures,weaknesses and defeats in order to be open to the power of God which brings healing and strength....

Father
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Charles de Foucauld

Without You...

2010-06-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

Its all a mixed up feelings...being home and away from home. At times it feels so good to being able to enjoy all the familiar surroundings but when knowing that you are not there...makes a real difference...Dadi...yesterday,today and tomorrow will never be the same WITHOUT YOU...every corners at home and things will bring tears...to reach out to you is just plain "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE"...

God, Abba Father I just want to thank you for giving Simon to me...

He is a great gift to me...

To the beautiful daughters that he adores and loves so much

He has taught me lots of life's issues and now all those memories will be the invisible hands that will guide me in the days to come...

Mami luvs you Pink Panther....God bless and May your soul rest in peace...

Without You...

2010-06-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

Hello there my Big Ugly Man...Happy Birthday to you...supposed to be your 53rd birthday. I bet you are ready with your happy hour plans by now...sad though for us here...your eldest chuchamungga is in Melaka and its just me plus the noisy chuchamungga are around...missing the morning music,your off tune singing plus the smoke from your so-called natural cigar and the golf channel at its highest volume...are you doing all these in heaven now dadi?

What ever it is...I pray that God Grant you peace and eternal rest and God's perpetual light shine upon your soul and may you rest in peace...so prayers are all that i have for you today...no surprises,no sizzling very rare sirloin steak,grill salmon or lamb chops plus your endless glasses of red wine till it makes you tipsy and noisy...

We love and miss you so much dear....hugs and kissess from Yen,Yon and mami...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-05-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

My dearest Pink Panther...kisses and bear hugs for you from me today....
I try not to remember that particular date...26th May....but as I sign on to my facebook I cannot help noticing that corner...our wedding anniversary and I am reminded painfully of it...supposed to be its 20th and we were planning to have our marriage vows renewed this year...with the blessings and all that... all over again...again God has the final decision making in our life...we planned and he decides...remember how you want to take me dancing again once you can walk and get off from that wheel chair?
I can only say prayers for you now...that is all that I can offer on this date and I will try to minus out the tears too...till i see you again...loving and missing you...happy anniversary to you...

Without You

2010-05-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

There...say goodbye to April and hello May...how times goes by us

Hey Pink Panther..how are you doing over there? In that paradise...filled with beautiful looking angels with rosy cheeks. I have purposely refrain myself from blogging about you for a month and I made it...but its so sickening and heart breaking...and tears still trickles...I just wished that you can come and visit sometimes.....miss you so much...may the angels and saints watch over you there...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-03-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Dadi

I am not going to count the days anymore...the days that you left us...this will be the last I guess...its 105 days since you been gone. Its not doing me any good but that does not mean that i love and miss you less...it is far from that. I just refuse to think of it how long you have been missing from my life. It can really brings me down...the wounds will re-opened and I will have to start from day 1 again.

I finally come to an end...reading that book..Left to Tell... and the final chapters reveal to me of God's healing...Dear Lord I now surrender to you Simon's soul...that YOU will hold him close to YOU and that you will watch over his soul in Heaven. I pray too that my tears will dry up and my pain eased and that I will no longer agonized over my loss...that I will placed you dearest in the hands of our Dear Lord and that you are forever beside the Almighty One in HEAVEN.

Grant O Dear Lord eternal rest upon the soul of Simon Sudin and let your perpetual light shine upon him and may his soul rest in peace....Amen

Charraine Cecelia Garuda

2010-03-10T22:18:00.000-08:00

Dadi...Once again this strong-willed girl of ours managed to achieve the best that she could despite the "tsunami" that evolves around her and us. You must be saying now..."I told you so..." and I am sure that you are also proud of her. Now we can tell her to go and chase that rainbow of hers...that nothing will and can stand in her journey of success because what she has been thru is more than enough to proof that she can do it...if you believe you can...YOU CAN...your favourite remarks...To Charraine...mami just want to say congratulations and luvs and muahmuahhh you...

WITHOUT YOU

2010-03-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

Looking so de Mafia...during one of his feeling good days

Hello Dadi...yesterday evening the urge to drive to Nilai was so strong and BB Yon and myself went with the intention to get some materials there but I strongly believed that it was for a different reason. I have been here for a month plus but yet I have not driven myself to Nilai despite the fact that I have conquered all areas with the aid of my sincere Mr GPS...never ever leave home without it!!!! Upon reaching Nilai and driving along all those so familiar roads and landmarks my heart was beating at a rapid pace and when it comes to NCI direction my tears were beyond control...so I detour the roundabout and make a come back to Nilai Square.

Dadi
I thought I was ready for it but the pain is still so raw. I just cannot bring myself to be where we spent the last few months together...
I know you will ask me in such a way..."Hey...why all these tears....stupid...". What do I care... if I am indeed being stupid and silly? Its for the love of you....Ciao Pink Panther...

WITHOUT YOU

2010-02-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Dadi

February is gone and March comes marching in and its been a month now since I made that big move to come and live in this KL city. I know its what you want and desire before you leave us on that day. If only God can warn us of your leaving...may be I can bring you to all those places that you want so much to see and visits...my heart aches so much because I failed you.

WITHOUT YOU

2010-02-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

Stacey, aged 42, Minnesota....shares from the book "What the Bible says about Grieving"...I sat numbly at my husband's graveside and wished for the pain to go away. I wanted so badly to share the heartache with my best friend. But that friend now lay lifeless, unable to listen or respond to the pain his death had caused me. He had left this life without a final goodbye, and I just wasn't ready to part ways. I had much more to tell him, and we had much more life to share. In the days to come, it meant so much to have other people around. And while they couldn't take away the pain, it was nice to have people nearby even if they were only able to listen,hug, and cry along with me...

This all sounds too familiar and it reflects me all the way...not only that I cannot reached out to you dearest Pink Panther...I can't see,touch,hear and smell you....all that is taken prematurely away from me. As I reflect on our meeting it is really God's plan...I met you in the early 1980's when I left for my further studies and you were already working in Bintulu and when I came back home you are still in Bintulu...the most available bachelor around they said...but I was not interested in the package that I saw...but hopelessly and helplessly I could not run far...it ended with the "I do..I do" ceremony at Saint Anthony Church Bintulu. I always shared this with the girls and reminded them to go and explore...not to be complacent and most of all not to be tied down because I believe that God has made and created plans for us way beyond our knowledge and that includes our life time partners...no matter what and where we go...if that chosen person's name is already written in HIS little book...we will meet up again. That's what happen to us Pink Panther...and I comforted myself in believing that you have to go soon because I know you will be there when its my time to come home...ciao...

WITHOUT YOU

2010-02-17T01:18:00.001-08:00

Its Ash Wednesday, meaning its Lenten season. It seems so soon...with Saint Valentine's day and the spirit of CNY which is still hovering in the air. ...Dadi...Valentine day just passed me by...quietly without you. But then as you loved to answer me whenever I wished you..."not everyday a valentine day kah...". The memories of last valentine's lingers on...there is just no way to reach out to you now. There's never a moment or a day that passes me by that is not filled with the lovely thoughts of you. May be I should pray to God for signs to let me know that you are near me when I need you most to console and comfort me in my times of misery. You are so free from all this pain,heartaches and sufferings. How I envy you so much for being taken away from all this because to me God favours you so much...

Ponggal Celebration At The Church Of Divine Mercy, Shah Alam

2010-02-07T21:49:00.000-08:00

We shared the joy of our fellow tamil brothers & sisters in Christ last sunday, the richness of thier culture...Ponggal Feast which was celebrated in the Church of Divine Mercy last Sunday, the Mass was in Tamil ...a mass of thanksgivings and appreciations of their harvests. This was our 2nd mass experience there...such a beautiful church.
I have always wanted to visit this church and I give my thanks to God for bringing and directing me here...1st of all...we found a condominium in USJ Subang which is not too far away from Sapura Smart School and the church is just 15 minutes away....Thank you Lord.
So do I want to move away from this next year...it remains to be seen...Lord continue to show and direct me...Amen.

My BibleWalk...

2010-02-04T18:52:00.000-08:00

My encounter with our LORD's living words...

On the 2nd February, 2010

Psalm 27
Verse 1

The Lord is my light and my salvation
So why should I be afraid?
The Lord protects me from danger
So why should I tremble?

Verse 5

For HE will conceal me there when troubles come
HE will hide me in his sanctuary.
HE will place me out of reach on a high rock.

On 4th February, 2010

Verse 11

Teach me how to live, O Lord
Lead me along the path of honesty
for my enemies are waiting for me to fall

Verse 13

Yet I am confident that I will see the Lord's goodness
while I am here in the land of the living

Verse 14

Wait patiently for the Lord
Be brave and courageous
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord..

Praise be Jesus's name...Amen

Surat Penudi Nuju Nuan...

2010-02-03T17:18:00.000-08:00

..

The original piece of this "Last letter to Dadi" was written in English by me and the Iban version was translated by NagaMit @ Aunty Doris and Indai Dom...thank you so much for being crazy and sentimental together with me. Nagamit read it beautifully...nyabak nuan sulu...minta ampun...nyau enda bajik mua nya neh...maya malam penudi bala kami ngintu niang 18th December, 2009.
Minta ampun nyema tusun jaku engau leka iya enda betul...
Tu munyi iya...

Sulu ti ku sayau,
Pink Panther aku
Nyau baka ribut nuan datai nanya aku suba
Tang maya nuan pegi ninggal ke aku, enda berasai...
baka angin lemai ari
Nuan madah anang nyabak
Di saut aku..auk meh sulu
Taja pia...aku dah ngasa ke ati nuan
Ukai di enda nemu
Nadai pengelantang enggau penyamai beserara enggau pangan diri...
Lebih agi enggau orang ti di kesayau...

Sulu ...
Maya aki ninggal ke kitai suba, nuan meh pengering aku
Tang sapa meh nyadi pengering aku diatu, lebuh nuan ngejang ninggal ke aku enggau bala anak

Nuan ngajar aku jalai ngidup kediri, diau dalam pengerindu nitih ke gaya diri empu, mesti kering serta nemu
ngatur pendiau diri lalu nemu mela bala anak tua
Nuan selalu ngajar enggau ngelalau aku dalam semua utai
Lalu aku deka ngenggam jaku nuan nya sampai aku mati

Sulu tiap kali ku meda mata ari padam iya deka ngingat ke aku ke nuan
Ingat aku Sulu...maya nuan ngasuh aku madah ke pengerindu aku ka nuan maya tua berubat ba Normah Hospital, Kuching
Ko nuan...aku ka ninga nuan nyebut nuan sayau ke aku

Tu meh iya...semampai rindu ke nuan
Nya meh pengidup aku, bekejang ari diatu sampai aku betemu enggau nuan baru ila..

Aku deka nampung pengawa nuan
Ti selalu nulung orang ti seranta
Aku deka ngiring bala anak tua
Nitih ke niat enggau juluk ati nuan
Aku seruran deka nitih ke semua jaku, pengawa,penemu nuan dalam pengidup
Nya meh sulu..
Pink Panther aku
Belabuh ari diatu
Tua deka diau dalam dunia,jam enggau adan ti enda sebaka, enda begulai
Tang pengerindu aku tetap meruan baka mula tua ke baru nanggam pengerindu suba
Aku besemaia deka mela anak tua sulu enggau pengabis ati ku, awak ke sidak iya semampai kering,mujur baka pengidup nuan empu...

Sulu
Enda ku nemu nusun ke leka jaku sebana ati aku...
Tang nuan ngelala aku, nemu sapa aku...nyangka nya kebuah nuan ninggal ke aku dulu enggau semua utai tu
Ingat nuan sulu lebuh tua ke betundi enggau panggan diri...sapa entara tua ti tau dulu pegi...
Aku selalu madah ka juluk ati ngagai Allah Taala ngambi aku dulu pegi ari nuan
Laban aku nemu aku enda ulih nerima semua tu, nyema aku dudi ari nuan
Tang nuan selalu ngelaban jaku aku...
Nuan madah aku tetap ulih...
Auk meh sulu...
Munyi ko jaku nuan nya meh
Tetap kering enggau besemangat ketegal anak tua ke di tinggal nuan pegi

Aku meri terima kasih ke nuan ti udah ngiring,nyukung serta meransang aku dalam semua utai
Dalam pengidup tua ti dah begulai enggau pangan diri, pengawa aku ngelama tu
Nuan meri aku penemu,ngelalau aku ngambi ke semua utai tau mujur
Nuan selalu muji pengawa aku
Nuan seruran mesan aku ngerja semua pengawa engau pengerindu serta enggau pengabis ati..

Tang diatu nama meh penyadi aku diatu
Nuan nadai agi begulai sejalai enggau aku
Pengasai aku diatu nyau baka layang-layang putus tali
Nyau nadai penuju

Sulu enggau tu pemeri aku ke nuan semina nyaup nuan pulai
Nuju jalai ti meruan
Pulai asuh Allah Taala enggau penuh pengerindu nuju Ia
Terima kasih ke penyerah nuan
Terima kasih ke nuan ti ngemendar ke Tuhan Jesus merintah dalam ati nuan
Terima kasih ke nuan ti udah nyerah ke diri ngagai Indai Maria
Terima kasih ke nuan laban nuan udah ngemaruh ke diri lala semampai sayau nyentuk nuan mejam ke mata
Terima kasih ke nuan ti ngasi ke jaku Allah Taala lalu nerima peneka iya
Ketegal tu, nuan nyadi ke tugu dalam pengarap aku
Terima kasih ke lima bulan ti udah lalu ti penuh enggau pengerindu enggau pengingat ti cukup menyana
Aku nadai ngasai ke pemerinsa sereta pemedis maia ngintu enggau ngibun nuan
Aku semina ngasai ke diri likun lalu di intu enggau mentas...semua tu ari kuasa Allah Taala.
Nya meh ke tanda enggau pengerindu IYA ke kitai...
Terima kasih ke kaban blayan ke udah di beri sereta di anjung nuan, sidak tu meh malaikat nuan
Malaikat nuan ti deka ngintu serta ngemata ka kami menyanak
Terima kasih ke Hari Valentine ti penudi iya sereta pemeri nuan
Nuan udah mayuh kiruh enggau pengambis ati ngerami pengawa nya begulai enggau kaban bukai

Pengerindu aku tetap meruan belama
Baka nuan ti udah sayau ke aku sekumbang tua ke begulai
Nganti meh penatai aku ila sulu
Aku besampi nuan nyedia ke endur ke kitai menyanak di menua syurga
Lalu ngemata ke kami
Tu meh nyadi pengering kami

Bye Dadi,
Sulu Ati Aku,
Pink Panther Aku
Tu ukai pemarai ti nyerara tua sulu
Semina awak ti udah cukup nuan pulai dulu
Lalu ukai penembu pengawa
Kami seruran lelengau ke nuan dalam semua pengawa
Nuan meh mata ari tumbuh
Nuan meh mata ari padam dalam pengidup aku kenyau ari diatu
Sampai seput aku padam ila

Love you
Judy

Heart to Heart

2010-02-01T21:53:00.000-08:00

As I drove BB Yon to School this morning...

Mami: Are you happy Yon?
Yon: Yes.
Mami: Do you like your school?
Yon: Yes.
Mami: Do you like being here?
Yon: Yes.

Now...the bonus question...

Mami: Will you still be happy if mami is not happy being here?
Yon: No mami... but you will get use to the place.

Tear drops time....and conversation ends here...period.

My Inspiration for today - Prayer for Peace (Pope John Paul II)

2010-02-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

To the creator of nature and human persons, of truth and beauty I pray:

Hear my voice,
For it is the voice of the victims of all wars and violence among individuals and nations;

Hear my voice,
For it is the voice of all children who suffer and will suffer when people put their faith in weapons and war;

Hear my voice,
When I beg you to instill into the hearts of all human beings the wisdom of peace, the strength of justice and the joy of fellowship;

Hear my voice,
And grant insight and strength so that we may always respond to hatred with love, to injustice with total dedication to justice,
to need with the sharing of self, to war with peace.

O God, hear my voice and grant unto the world your everlasting peace.

Amen

WITHOUT YOU

2010-02-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

Hey you Pink Panther...done any golfing lately in the paradise that you are dwelling in? So today is the 2nd morning that BB Yon attends school. She came home yesterday full with excitement and memories flashes back to the time when she used to scream and called out to us to share her "happenings". Gone are those days and now its just me. I know friends are advising me not to communicate directly with you and to let you go but how can I do that? Every moment and seconds that I live is to carry on your legacy and that is for the 2 angels that you left behind.

So Dadi I pray and hope that this is really what you want for the girls and that we will make it through even though you are not here with us. Amen

BB Yon 1st day at Sapura Smart School

2010-01-31T18:34:00.000-08:00

Dadi...today is her 1st day at school. She has been so nervous since we got to KL but like what you have always said and reminded them all those years...just be yourself. I believe there are mixed emotions for her. If only you are here to hear her rambling early this morning. She sounds like an old woman. All goes well today...the traffic and registration. I took a peep into her class and it seems that she was surrounded by lots of giants...her classmates were much bigger and taller than her. Dadi you will always be on our mind..more now than before..every matters than comes our way will direct our thoughts to you because we can feel your presence near us in all that we do...thank you Dadi...physically you are not with us but spiritually you are near...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Dadi,
Its 40 days since you left us...people says time will heal a broken heart but unfortunately not this heart mine. Why do you have to go dadi? This few days is the worst of my days without you but who would understand and who cares anyway...its my very own sorrow to carry. Sometimes I feel that its just yesterday that we started that journey with Mr C and you were so full of determination to fight it. You were so strong and positive Dadi...never thought that you would let go. I am so sorry that I could not do much for you...every day there were regrets for me...if only there was a second chance given to me I would have grab it now and exchanging it for you to come home to us...loving and missing you more...

2010-01-21T00:57:00.000-08:00

Aunty Pauline learning how to blog so we use your beautiful photo....okkkk...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-18T06:13:00.001-08:00

Hey Pink Panther....U look so yummy here...this photo was taken in October, 2009...enjoying part of his days while in NCI...he wakes up around 8:30am daily then he exercised...then he shower...then its breakfast time and last medications time and then we are ready for his treatment...either radiotherapy or chemo. After treatment its car ride time plus ice cream...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-17T06:51:00.001-08:00

The one thing that both of us loves to do during our times in Nilai was to talk silly to each other...although you were always in pain you never failed to cheer me up and have numerous humorous moments..should be the other way round ...the caregiver should be the one comforting the patient...but not you daddy. Remember the time when we were in Prince Court...told you that you MUST BE STRONG to fight Mr C and that you must never let go...and not to leave me alone in this cruel world...your reply was...don't worry because you will find me an apek for my companion...daddy there will never be another YOU in my life...not even an apek and pls don't send me any apek..don't need any apek...or I will get Mr Kuki to munch him up for his meal...I pray that all the angels and the saints will have lots of homorous moments with you there...love you Pink Panther.

An extract from the book...The Holy Souls - "Viva Padre Pio"

2010-01-16T00:25:00.000-08:00

A sharing from this book and it consoles me to a certain degree..."VIVA PADRE PIO"...our dearest beloved Simon Sudin never fails to pray to Saint Pio....page 75...reads on: It would be a great mistake to say: " I will give myself to God when I am old," and expect to change our hearts at the moment of death. Just as nobody becomes bad suddenly, so too nobody can become good in a moment. And remeber; death can be something very sudden. Is it worth the risk? Death is frightening, so it is said. But it is not so much death itself that frightens us but rather the act of dying. It is the terror of a moment, not of eternity, that frightens us. So many questions arise: What will that moment be like? How long will it last? Who will assist me? Will I be alone? Where will I be? In the house, on the roadd, while working, whilr praying or while sinning? When will it surprise me? The thought of being alone, face to face with death, the victim and the executioner, terrifies me. It has been said that to die is the most difficult trial of life, but it is not true. It is the only thing everybody knows how to do! The newborn and the centenarian alike, the genius and the idiot, the saint and the rogue. Just as we pass from infancy to childhood, from childhood to youth, from youth to maturity and so to old age, in the same way we pass from life to death.
Seen in the light of God, death become a sweet encounter. It becomes not a sunset but a beautiful dawn, the forerunner to eternal life with God. When the heart is filled with God, death no longer frightens, but it becomes a sweet caress-the caresses of God as He welcomes His creatures. And so it is seen by the saints as it should be,because when the hour of death arrives, it will mean that our exile is almost over; the goal is near. The only thing we can do is invoke our celestial mother: "Holy mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death."
When our eyes close forever and a crucifix is placed in our hands, just as a sword used to be put into the hands of a soldier, the crucifix will be the golden hammer with which we shall knock at the door of eternity. At our hammering, that door will open and an immense light will invade our eyes and a voice sweeter than any melody will say: "Well done, good and faithfull servant. Enter the joy of your Master." (Mt 25:21)

God Almighty blesses all...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-15T23:38:00.001-08:00

Coping with the sudden departure of a dearest loved one is a challenge...a huge one indeed. If we said that we are prepared for it...I really wonder how true can that be because by each passing day we go through a different episode of emotions...from sadness,grief,loneliness,emptiness...my head spins just thinking about it. Oh dear Good merciful Lord...sometimes I want to ******* for taking Pink Panther away from me. In the first place why do you have to give him to me....whyyyyyyy? I try to console myself now and then because I am just tired of feeling this way...macam mau explode saja....ayerrrr...take this feelings away pleaseeeee...I want to come home and expect to see you sitting in our living room...you watching your endless golf programs...and for me to call for the girls to make your coffee...I want to run around for you...to do your chores...I want to collect and do your "after golf laundry"...I want to cook and prepare your favourite food...I want to drive you around to all your favourite coffee shops for your kampua...I want to listen to your endless scoldings...correcting and reminding me of my faults and mistakes...I want to hear you to remind me to drive on the left handside of the road for driving so slow and telling me to walk instead...I want to hear you nagging me about forever messing up the newspaper after reading it...I missed calling you...hey uglyman...whatcha doin? The reply I get will be you calling me "stupid woman"...I feel like dying too you know...I don't like this feeling at all..life is so unfair...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

Since you been gone...a month passes us by...your 3 chuchamunggas still grieving for you...just the mention of your name bring tears to our eyes...daddy,uglyman,daddymonster,pink panther...thats what we called you. Ya daddy...we sure do miss you so much...sometimes we feel that you will come home...from where you are...that this is just a temporary separation. Now how assuring can that be right? At times I wished that it was ME who went away and not you...I have to carry on now...filling up the role as daddy & mummy to the girls. If only you know what I am going through now...but I guess you know and you are watching me...right? You better be watching because if I do fall and stumble and hurt myself...YOU are not there to pick me up....

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hey u Uglyman...so miss calling you by that name daddy...
I just wanna share that i feel so hopeless today...went to a dear friend's house last nite daddy...Uncle John Kodok's wife passed away all so suddenly...just like yourself with the same sickness too...she's my age...43 and turning 44 in 10th March..remember how she jokes around and how much she kept herself so pretty and till her death she still maintained that beauty. With friends departing from us and from this world...left and right...its so unbearable...i bottled up my tears and emotions...but my heart bleeds because it reminds me of of your own sudden departure from us...daddy you should see how your girls comforted me when I do break down...sorry that I let myself go in front of them...its just impossible not to...everyday is a revelation for me...all the things that I have to discover now..its an eye opening...a sword that pierces through me..like u always said...never ever takes things for granted..and that's just so YOU daddy...does it have to be this painful to make us learn and change our ways...well let me tell you indeed its so painful...there are just so many unanswered "what ifs.." and its a complicated lesson. How I wished that the others may learnt from all these... but despite all that, I am so appreciative of the last 5 months that we spent together...a true quality time...and I believe it to be so because you never missed telling people on how you have rediscovered me after all those donkey years...come to think of it that was our long overdue second honeymoon which we were supposed to have and never did...mainly because of your work and commitments. I don't blame you because you have a very good loving heart...you just have to make sure that everything goes well...we 3 chuchamunngas missed you so much...Oh Lord grant Eternal rest upon the soul of our beloved Simon Sudin, Let your perpetual light shine upon him and may his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed thru the mercy of God rest in peace...Amen

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Pink Panther
I am counting the days that I cannot come and visit your grave,to lit candles daily and to place flowers there,say prayers for you there beside your grave...I know for real its just your nearness that I am clinging to..that your body is snugly fit into that coffin... but my love.. your soul is all over the place looking,watching and following us ...just thinking of leaving our home and the memories behind makes me cry. I wonder If I can do it..living a life without you to reprimand and correct my every movement and actions plus my silly childish thoughts...God please listen to my cry of help and plight...please..please..pliz????

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-07T19:22:00.001-08:00

My Dear Pink Panther
I thought and believe that I was strong and capable of handling all these outstanding legal documentations that needs to be settled but I am such a big failure case to myself. I hate it so much... going thru this phase.... My tears are still flowing for you and knowing that I have to face this crazy mad world without you. YOU..the main inspiration and pillar of motivation & strength for the girls and me. No one and nothing can replace that in our lives now...I know you would want us to move on but its so complicated to do so...I just I want to sleep it off and search for you in my dreams and get you back to us or at least talk to me in those dreams and advice me on all those urgent issues. I am so scared you know... what if my plans and decisions are wrong...please pray for all of our needs daddy from there...luv and misses you so much...

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-05T01:07:00.001-08:00

Going through your things that were sent from the office...holding back my tears..I can feel you,can see you,your voice and all those familiar sounds and things you used to say...I cannot continue..hurts so much. You left me with no words of comfort or said your last goodbyes..I was the one who said Goodbye to you..now I am all alone looking at all these jigsaw puzzles of life you left me. Should I be complaining to you Lord? For taking him away so soon..at such critical moment? I have so much to do in so little time now...may the Lord grant me the graces to be strong like you...Amen

WITHOUT YOU...

2010-01-01T07:03:00.001-08:00

Hey Pink Panther
This morning after morning mass we went to the cemetery... to fly Pheonne's balloon with her PMR result slip attached to it....as she has promised in her last letter to you. May you see it and grab the string to catch the result slip...am very sure you are proud of her.

Without You

2009-12-30T08:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Pink Panther
Everyday the 3 ladies in your life made some sharing about you...those eyes that I see..the girls really do missed you dadi...you be good there...no more wrinkling of those forehead...I pray that you are at peace with Yourself and our Heavenly Father. Remember our wedding theme song? Just Be Happy...Don't worry...and that was also your final revelation message to everyone when you were in Nilai...Be happy dadi Pink Panther!!!!

WITHOUT YOU...

2009-12-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

Its such a miserable feeling...its no joke to say that everything reminds me of you...please send me angels to say that you are doing fine there dadi...my Pink Panther...missing you so much...all the tears will never bring you home to us...going to sleep is near to impossible and in waking up makes me shed tears...in knowing that you are no longer around...I have no one to pamper anymore...no more rush hours for me. Love you forever..

Without You

2009-12-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

Hello Pink Panther...I wished you can read all this postings...today is Holy Family Day...
So sad...just BB Yon and myself at church this Sunday morning...you are not with us...BB Yen went for her driving course...cannot imagine how much more of these moments and feelings of emptiness we are going to have to go thru...Daddy we miss you so much...how I wished you can just make a come back...just come home to us..

Without You

2009-12-25T05:29:00.000-08:00

Those were the days....flash back time on them memories
that lingers on...

Without You...

2009-12-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

Christmas eve without you..yup Pink Panther...that's a blue Christmas without you...went for mass at Stella Maris...felt so awkward... just the girls and myself this time around...they sang one of our favorite song...It came upon a midnight clear...can imagine you singing out loud to that song...we always request for this song when the caroling group come for xmas carols...remember? Friends and acquaintances comes around to convey condolences and xmas wishes...how i wished they don't remind me...but i know they mean well. Anyway...dadi...do you see Santa there? Sitting at our Heavenly Father right hand side? You must be having a grand rejoicing moment there...you don't come visit us here kah? We go ngabang all over the place...like always...that's silly talk for you today and your answer would be...Bodohhhh...dadi..dadiiii...miss your bodohnesss...Grant eternal rest upon Simon, let perpetual light shine upon him and may his soul rest in Peace...Amen

BB Yon PMR result 7A's

2009-12-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

Hey Pink Panther
Our BB Yon got 7A's for her PMR exam....wished you were here to knock knock on her coconut head...she so excited about it...now she want to look for balloons and the gas to fly it to you...so that you can see her achievement...i am sure you are very proud of her...the best christmas gift to all of us...though you are gone...love you...

Without You

2009-12-23T16:23:00.000-08:00

Hello Pink Panther
Its Christmas dear...we were planning to spend it together with Uthan and Wennie...at their new home. They also sayang you so much...I know Uthan has been looking forward to that drinking session with you and all the Christmas cheerings to the tables,chairs and the endless "one for the road"... But then you left us and here I am spending this Christmas WITHOUT you. At times I wonder how can you be so selfish by not sharing with me of your pains and sickness earlier. There are so many "IFs"....and my tears will never washed them away.
Why you left and abandon me in such critical moments? The girls will need your guidance and advice so badly...but when I remember how you used to talk to them about how well they can cope and carry themselves...I felt waves of peace flowing through. I guessed thats your legacy to them. Please pray for us on earth here dadi...that we will be fine without you.
May the angels and saints be with you always and also Mama Mary and Jesus our Lord.
Love and Miss you so much...

Without You

2009-12-22T21:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Pink Panther...
Wherever you are...
Are you looking down at the three of us from heaven...
If you are doing just that...
Would like you to know that We missed you so much...
Words just never enough to express all that..
You must be laughing till you get all wrinkled up there kan dadi?

I have to admit life is not any easier now that you are gone...
At times I wonder if it really for a good caused...
Or more heartbreaks to come...
Where can I go and what will I do from now
If not for the girls I just want to do nothing at all and continue to mourn your loss...
ALONE...away from all these...
Till God decide its time for me to go and meet you...
Love you dadi PINK PANTHER....

Week 1 - Without You

2009-12-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

Engelbert Humperdink...There goes my everything..thank you for such a nice and beautiful song that I can relate myself to...
Yes there goes everything...this morning upon waking up I felt so empty...gone are the mornings when I rushed to see how you are doing...asking how is the pain, did you sleep well...what would you like to eat today Dadi? No more blending fruit juices for you,no more pressure cooking...no more setting breakfasts and forcing you to eat all those food and with all these my only hope is we can fight the cancer...ciao...and God bless

Final Scene of Pink Panther,Adenocarcinoma & Me

2009-12-19T17:34:00.000-08:00

The scene ends here...15th December, 2009 at 1:15pm...peacefully Pink Panther left us at Prince Court Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur. No amount of words can express how we all feel...only God almighty know best...but whatever it is...Pink Panther will always be close to our heart...among family,friends and relatives. The funeral mass was at St Anthony Church Bintulu and his body was laid to rest at the Catholic Cemetery on the 19th December, 2009...ciao and God bless...

The family

My very last goodbye and wishes for you

The Sacred Heart of Jesus & Immaculate Mother Mary accompanying you

Sending you home with prayers

The things that Aunty Rebecca laboured herself thru for the love of you

Goodbyes...and goodbyes... endlessly...may you go with the angels and the saints

Pink Panther & Prince Court Medical Centre

2009-12-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

Today Pink Panther is quiet...must be exhausted from all the excitement yesterday...Charraine, mummy and daddy arrived from Bintulu yesterday. He continued his opera singing...did some writing or rather scribbling away....his request was to have dinner with Dr Kana and the nurses...with the doctors and nurses in Prince Court...nice dinner,ice cream...make that vanilla please... and Australian red wine...ended with OK...and signed off his signature...

BB Yonn birthday today...15th birthday...sang birthday song in the ICU room...Helen and Dora brought Chocolate cake for her...

Pink Panther - Still in Prince Court Medical Centre

2009-12-10T02:48:00.000-08:00

The waiting is extended from Monday 7th December till today...the minute my mind remembers Pink Panther my tears would trickle and there I go sniffling away and BB Yonn will ask...Why you mummy? My reply...mmm just thinking...
Anyway today as usual came in to visit Pink Panther around 10am...the nurse shared that he was singing away last night mumbling away to that song...Persembahan ku...must have entertained the other patients too. So today he was so drowsy...did not move much. Father Valentine came in the afternoon to say prayers and gave him Holy Communion.

Dear All...lets pray for strength,deliverance,conversion and forgiveness for Pink Panther and also for ourselves...and may healing comes...that's all for now..Ciao...

Pink Panther & Prince Court Medical Centre, KL

2009-12-08T16:56:00.001-08:00

Dear all..its been a while...a long while...
Since 3rd November, 2009...my days have been so hectic...it goes like this...

6th November,2009
Pink Panther..BB Yonn and myself flew back to Land of The Hornbills today...our flight was delayed for almost 2 hours...in the end we have to change aircraft.
Being home was supposed to be a "Home sweet Home" scenario but in the end it turn out differently...stressed us out actually...the 1st week being home was an adjustment period for Pink Panther..2nd week was an improvement period...end of 3rd week was a going down hill for him...coming to the beginning of the 4th week was a disorientated week...in between those weeks...the scenes were...nights with high fever...persuasion in eating and lots of discomfort...in the end after consultation with Dr Lau and Dr Kana we flew back earlier and that was 2nd December, 2009 to the battlefield....NCI

At NCI...from 2nd December til 5th December, 2009
Immediately upon arrival we were admitted to the ward...
Through out the night...Pink Panther was restless...and I was without the Vitamin Sleep...nothing new for me..feels like a zombie...
The next morning went for scan on his brain...the outcome was...pressure and fluid within and that results in him being admitted to the Intensive Care Unit for close monitoring...there were times that he knew me and he is not aware of his surroundings...lots of amusing moments too...

With these we were referred to Prince Court Medical Center to see a neurosurgeon..Dr Jagdeep.
All arrangements were made by NCI and we were driven by an ambulance that morning to the ER...appointment was at 9am and after consultation with Dr Jagdeep all issues were put out front for me to digest...not a pleasant one.
1st option...just to wait and do nothing and Pink Panther will end up in coma...2nd option was just to drain the fluid with the possibility of the pressure and fluid to reoccur...and 3rd option was to go for the major works...operation to remove the tumor and drain the fluid and be prepared for the risks that comes with it...

Dr Jagdeep: How do you feel about this?
Bumblebee: How do I feel? Blank....for me to be responsible for Pink Panther's life...Lord help me....come to my aid now.....fasssssttt...
Dr Jagdeep: You think about it first...
Bumblebee:....think?????

I went back to Pink Panther with BB Yonn close by me...i told him why we were in Prince Court and the scenario...knowing very well that he would not be remembering all that I have pour out to him at that moment...but yet he confidently said...Lets do it Mami....

I called my parents and finally Dr Kana...for words of comfort and to know that I will be doing and deciding what is best for Pink Panther...

Bumblebee: I will gamble for this operation..I will be strong..I will take the risks...what ever comes...

A word of comfort that comes to my mind from my dearest and closest friend...WEBET...Take and bear that CROSS silently like Mother Mary...ok...SILENTLY...God bless you abundantly WEBET...

1:30pm
The operation was to be done...signed all the necessary forms and the waiting was like 3 hrs....but it was only at 5:30pm that I received a called from the nurse to inform me that Pink Panther was out from the operation room...from there....it was a scene of waiting...seizures...and lots of prayers...and till today. But overall the operation turned out well with no complications and for now we just wait and pray....till then CIAO all and GOD BLEss...

NCI Hospital & Specialist - Scene 9

2009-11-03T01:27:00.000-08:00

The dates...numbers and months rolling by and its unbelievable...today its 3rd November, 2009!!!!! Sighing endlessly...i don't see beautiful sunsets on the weekends anymore...so sad...anyway...Pink Panther's bone injection..Zometa is deferred to tomorrow. He complains of severe headaches to Dr Kana at the clinic this morning...may be due to the sleeping patterns and also the effects of the treatment. Hopefully tonight Pink Panther will sleeps soundly and vanished away those attacks of headaches by tomorrow...please,please..please.. Lord God Almighty come to our aid now and intervene....Amen

NCI Hospital & Specialist - Scene 8

2009-10-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

Well today Thursday 29th October, 2009 marks the end of our Phase 1 journey at NCI Hospital & Specialist, Nilai..completed the radiotherapy treatment...later we went to see Dr Kana at his clinic and the decision on the final date to come back to NCI for Phase 2 was confirmed...6th December, 2009.
So that's a month break...for now we are still deciding on when is the best date to fly back...because we still need to come back to the clinic on Monday, 2nd November, 2009 for blood test and also for the Zometa injection to strengthen his bone structure or in other words to reduce any complications such as pain and fractures caused by the bone metastasis. We hope to be home in Bintulu after that and so...ciao to all ...

My BibleWalk...

2009-10-28T03:55:00.000-07:00

My BibleWalk is my sharing of verses for the day...

Titus 3:1-15

1 Remind your people to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient always and ready to do what is good.
2 They must not speak evil of anyone and they must avoid quarreling. Instead they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone.
3 Once we, too were foolish and disobedient. We were misled by others and became slaves to many wicked desires and evil pleasures. Our lives were full of of evil and envy. We hated others, and they hated us. 4 But then God our Saviour showed us his kindness and love.
5 He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit.
6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us because of what Jesus Christ our Saviour did.
7 He declared us not guilty because of his great kindness. And now we know that we will inherit eternal life.
8 These things I have told you are all true. I want you to insist on them so that everyone who trusts in God will be careful to do good deeds all the time. These things are good and beneficial for everyone.
9 Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. These kinds of things are useless and a waste of times.
10 If anyone is causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing to with that person.
11 For people like that have turned away from the truth. They are sinning, and they condemn themselves.

NCI Hospital & Specialist - Scene 7

2009-10-28T03:18:00.000-07:00

So today is Pink Panther's final chemo treatment for this Phase 1...and tomorrow will be his final radiotherapy. Pink Panther's condition still remains the same...nothing changes. Today met up with Dr Kana & Dr Selva...up to this date Pink Panther is progressing well. There has been a remarkable improvement since our departure from Normah Specialist Kuching. Dr Kana also shared that the lesion on his lung has also shrinked to a certain extent too after the 1st chemo was injected...finally that's the news that we all have been waiting and dying for...and it's an instant relief to the ears and comfort too.
So seeing Bintulu soon????? Heeee3...no comments...but my anxieties about certain issues and matters remained as a question mark...known to me alone. Taking one day at a time...
Anyway there is 3 weeks break from tomorrow till our next review session and the tentatively date is 19th November,2009. But we shall see how it goes...as we take our steps ....tutututt.... one day at a time...
So ciao...

My BumbleMumbles...

2009-10-27T09:50:00.001-07:00

....My blue bleeding HEART...

Dear Lord...
It can be so heavy at times..the cross that I am carrying,dragging and holding on to...where do I go from here..what can I do about it? I know no one will understand..but what about YOU? Will you listen..will you lightened this burden..this pain? Sometimes it is easier said than done and at times I do feel the Spirit of strength overflowing within me...but you know Lord...no matter what others said..be it words of encouragement or comfort...the pains will always remained within my soul..till the moment and time comes...for the door of your kingdom opens up to receive me...i will continue to cry and weep in SILENT...where only YOU know all....

NCI Hospital & Specialist - Scene 6

2009-10-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

Well...its been a long break...16th October, 2009 was the last blog posting from bumblebee's corner...we are going into the last week of October, 2009.

This morning...27th October, 2009 is exactly 2 months from where our journey started with our first visit to Timberland Medical Center in Kuching. How time flies..day in and day out..and here we are still in NCI...supposed to be our last week of treatment for this trip. Dr Kana says that last treatment will be this Thursday, 29th October, 2009 and by Friday morning we can pack our bags and fly home to Bintulu. The blood test taken today was really good...all blood counts are cooperating with Pink Panther...plus upon taking my advice to go to bed early...so that is a good rest and proper food intake. So at the point of writing this blog we have 2 more radiotherapy and 1 more chemotherapy to complete for this round until we come back again after 3 weeks break and tomorrow morning will be Pink Panther's chemo plus radiotherapy.
Overall..he is doing fine..no attacks of fever or vomiting. It was just the feeling of grogginess and lost of appetite for him after his last chemo which was on the 22nd October, 2009. However the mood swings is unbearable...sometimes i feel like screaming and saying...heyyyy...being a caregiver is also not so pleasant...please do spare me some kind and merciful thoughts too..after all I am only human and I do need some "TLC" moments at some point of time.

But each time when this unhealthy feelings comes by...a picture of Pink Panther looking and being so fragile and vulnerable floods my mind and it touches my heart and that somehow brought me down to earth...thumpedddd... and.... owchhhhh...it really hurts and so there goes my anger...O Lord pour upon me Spirit of Love,Joy,Patient and Understanding....Amen
Till then...ciao to all...

NCI Hospital & Specialist - Scene 5

2009-10-16T03:39:00.001-07:00

Dear All..everything is good and well...that is what we pray and plan for in our deepest thoughts. So the days and dates comes rolling by us..sometimes I wake up in the morning..and ask myself...what's the date...and day? The mind can really failed me at times...being cooped up in this hospital..almost a month..come to think of it..arrived here 23rd September, 2009.

One thing for sure...we definitely get lots of peace here compared to Kuching...I cry out...Freedom..at long last...hahaaa...from those unbelievable so called comfort and caring individuals. Please do forgive me for sounding so ungrateful but then as the saying goes...too much of a good thing can be very damaging to our soul...but yet who will even bother to try to undertand us...however not all fits into that one category...God bless them.

Anyway...there was a change in the treatment schedule for Pink Panther...starting 15th October, 2009 he will undergo 10 sessions or fractions of radiotherapy and in between he will be given 2 rounds of chemotherapy...all these will end sometimes towards the end of October...and then it will be 3 weeks break...so the tentative date to come back to Nilai was 23rd November, 2009.

NCI Hospital & Specialists Centre...Scene 4

2009-10-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

Hello there...my avid and keen readers who comes and go from the bumblebee's corner...
Pink Panther was exposed to my blog when we were strikened with this notorious cancer...and he asked me...Mami why bumblebee?
Yeahhh...why bumblebee? Now I wonder too..why that? May be its just me...buzzing left and right..in and out of people's life and scene...and its cute....hahaaaa...
Anyway...back to my scene...at Nilai Cancer Institute...so far we were handled with tender loving care all the way...by the centre's oncologist Dr Kananathan..bless him Lord for his gentle ways and patience and understanding. The 25th September, Friday 2009 we were sent to National Cancer Society in KL for Pink Panther's bone scan...a real satisfaction and a real comfort to me knowing that the spread of the notorious Mr Cancer is only at some points which were known to us earlier and not as I have gravely imagined when it was explained by the doctors in Kuching. According to them Pink Panther's prognosis were not so promising...into stage 4 and I was even given 6 months...Can you my dear bloggers imagine that? I was told to go home...and get things in order...is that supposed to make me feel better...was it supposed to comfort me in this dispairing moment? God...please be there for me...that was all that i whispered to my mind and heart...when I do fall please Lord, provide me with all the cushions...and make my fall a feather light one...and capture me in your mighty and loving comforting arms...the picture here....remember that furry mammal..Tarzan and Jane...that is what i will need...catch me please Lord when I do fall and collapsed...Amen
So back to Pink Panther and his treatment... a chemo port was planted on the evening of 24th September, 2009..that's where all the medications go thru..no more pricking on the blood veins where it leaves your body with black and blue bruises and daily blood tests were done to monitor his blood count..red and white blood count..while in between planning for his treatment were laid out and explained by Dr Kana. On Wednesday, 30th September, 2009 was planned..Pink Panther's 1st chemotherapy...the medications invovled were Cetuximab,Vinorelbine and Cisplatin....what a mouthful that is...anyway they are all drugs to combat them cancer cells. The 1st reaction to Cetuximab brought Pink Panther to the North Pole...he was shivering throughout...with high fever. The joke here was..he saw penguins...and for myself...speechless beyond words..i watched all the medical administrations given to him..and coincidently it was the hour of mercy...so dearest St Faustina I prayed for her intercession to the dear Merciful Divine Master...thru the Chaplet of DIVINE MERCY....once again...the Lord let his presence known to me...he is indeed walking beside me...at the very significant moment...a time of need thru this trial...Praise the Lord!!! The chemotherapy was continued the next day with the other 2 medications. On the 2nd October, 2009 we were discharged from the ward and we moved to my room on the residential wing. Then the day came...Saturday, 3rd October, 2009..what i feared the most...the much awaited reaction..FEVER...he was shivering and came the fever...immediately called the nurse and we were told to go to the emergency ward for assistance...in the end we were admitted....back to the ward again...so the continuos up and down of fever continued for next few days...the blood count was badly affected...injections were given to perk up the body's own production of the white blood cells..so that weekend was spent back in the ward again. On 5th October, 2009 morning we were told by Dr Kana that the schedule for the next chemotherapy was cancelled..due to the fact he needed time to strengthen his system..body resistance. The next chemotherapy session will be scheduled for next week..tentatively on the 14th and 15th October, 2009 so its a good break for me to feed him and regain his strength....so ciao to all who peeps into bumblebee's corner.

Pink Panther and Me...Scene 3

2009-09-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

The surgery is over and done with...now we wait if its a success..eliminating the pain and numbness and to get back the strength. Apart from all these we are already considering into moving some where else to seek further treatment and chances of recovery. This was a very difficult decision to make but the recommendations to move on was so strong...now for a moment we stop thinking of the conveniences and the comfort zone that we are getting and receiving while in Normah Kuching...so we pray for guidance in our decision and based on that prayers Pink Panther finally decides to move to NCI Hospital & Specialist, KL. So the date to move was Wednesday 23rd September, 2009...with all the transfer requirements made we finally get to Nilai at 1430 hrs...everything was so smoothly done.

Pink Panther and Me...Scene 2

2009-09-28T03:05:00.001-07:00

Home..onward to Bintulu...spent a few days at home...waiting for the biopsy result and on Thursday 3rd September, 2009 we left home again and this time straight to Normah Specialist Kuching...appointment with the Orthopedic Specialist..admitted to the ward for further scans and X-ray onto the bump on the forehead,lung and spine. The next day the much awaited result of the biopsy was known and it was related to the earlier lung biopsy. On Saturday 5th September, 2009 we met up with oncologist from SGH for further diagnosed and treatment plans were laid out for us. The 1st radiotheraphy treatment was scheduled on 7th September, 2009 and carried out at SGH onto the forehead and the spine for 5 times ending 11th September,2009.
Following this the next treatment plan is the lung part for 10 times and it was scheduled on the 14th September,2009 and to end on the 25th September, 2009 and it was after undergoing 2 radiotheraphy treatment on the lung that complications sets in...Pink Panther could not go for his toilet business as usual and the strength to his right legs was reduced tremendously. After consultation with the Orthopedic specialist an urgent surgery was needed to relieve him of the pain and numbness on his right leg and also to ease the bowel movement problems. So surgery was set up on the 16th September, 2009 to decompress the nerve on the spine. With that done the next thing was to wait for the uncertainties that comes with the surgery...ciao for now...to be continued...

Pink Panther and Me....Scene 1

2009-09-16T02:18:00.000-07:00

Prayers comes flooding in...words of comfort too were pouring in...from friends and relatives..thanking all who came with good wishes and not forgetting the baskets of fruits and gifts to share in this time of sufferings...what to say then? I rather remain in my silence and endlessly converse with God. I pray that our merciful Lord will pour upon Pink Panther his Spirit of Counsel and healing continuosly.

This Scene 1 started with our initial visit to Timberland Medical Centre in Kuching dated 27th August, 2009 for further check up with the ENT specialist...CT scan and also a biopsy was done on his lung. The next day appointment was to Normah specialist Centre Kuching to see an Orthopedic Specialist for the pain that was troubling him in his right leg. There X-Rays and MRI was scheduled for him. Once this was over we were told to come back in a few days time for the report and by then the biopsy report will be known....so off we went home to Bintulu...that was a relief...and the anxiety begins for us all...but yet I know with God's amazing grace we will sail thru this moment....

Pink Panther and Me - A new episode

2009-09-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

Gospa...please intercede for my needs and my loved ones...Amen

September 2009..a new beginning and episode that will remain close to my heart...I firmly believe that this is God's work...HIS mysterious ways in working his way into our life...his creations...shaping us into his likeness. When we look at ourselves left and right..up and down...it will get more complicated by the day..questions wander through our thoughts...what am I? Who am I? Why is this happening? What have I done or what have I not done? Where is HE that promises to be near me when the going gets though? Where is HE that will catch me when I fall?
Well...surprises and surprises...HE is there...here and everywhere...no mankind will provide...only the GOD Almighty...who loves us through and through..knows no bounds...loving us endlessly..it is just Us...so blind and ignorant and insensitive to HIS most Holy Presence...remember that inner thoughts that speaks to us...now that is HIM...please receive and listen to HIM attentively. HE knows all and listens...just that sometimes we demand all things to be dealt with in an express manner. So to all my friends,relatives,loved ones and the "Angels of Medugorje" listen with your ears...pray with your loving heart and act with a gentle grace.....ciao..God blesses all who visits...

Sunsets...my Passion

2009-08-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

Some of the sunsets photos that i took and never get to share it on any social networks...
Sunsets...always fascinates me...the moments so captivating...gives me a nice feeling of tranquility..peace..and serenity...the effects of sunsets to me..

Sunsets...God's mighty works...separates day and night
When it comes...we call it the end of another day's activities...
God's living creatures returns to its home...
Time to rest..time to ponder...time to pray...for thanksgiving
The blessings and the graces that we received for the day...

You...Sunsets.. is a magnificent art that God portrays for us mankind
And for us to indulge in its natural beauty...
To remind us...what an awesome God we have...

Come... Sunsets...be there for me...today...tomorrow...and forever
As my awesome God does...will remain there...
Always there...day and night.

Letter to Mother Mary

2009-08-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

Sharing with all of you what crosses my pathway this morning...a loving letter to our blessed Mother Mary who silently watches over us,continuous interceding for us,enfolding us in her loving arms,guiding and protecting us at all times.

Dearest Mother...

Today I met a stranger
Even though a brief encounter, it got me to wonder.
You know I am a sinner, yet you have made me a winner.
Sometimes when I look at what I have and then compare it to what I would like to have, I am very disappointed.
Then at other times when I look at what I have and compare it to what I truly deserves, I kneel in gratitude to You, for I deserve nothing....

You have always been by my side.
You have shared my most profound happiness and deepest sorrows.
You have laughed with me.
You have cried with me.

When the burdens of this world seems to crush,
When the tide of despair seem to drown me and when life seems so bleak and there seem to be no reason to live a moment longer..
In Your own way you were there...
Sometimes in the form of a friend, sometimes in the form of a stranger...
But Mother, most of all...
Thank you for all the times when you were there and I did not even know it.

Dearest Mother...
Help me to emulate You
Give me the grace and the strength to be humble like you...
for humility is the virtue upon which all other virtues are build on.

Mother...
help me to be charitable and generous, so as to be able to love like our Lord who loves unconditionally.

Mother Mary...
Please guide and help me to give back what you have always given me...
Give me the privilege to be your instrument...
Make me a lamp that gives light to those in darkness...
Transform me so that I am no longer a stranger to those whom You sent me to meet...
So that through me and because of You the stranger and I would be stranger no more but a reflection of You...a true friend to all.

Sunday School..."Proclaimation of GOD's Kingdom".

2009-08-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

This morning the lesson was..."Proclaimation of GOD's Kingdom"....where have we heard this or where have we come across this...a simple answer is from The Luminous Mysteries...the third mystery. So what do we understand by Jesus proclaiming God's Kingdom on earth? Jesus came in person just to do that and HE was the much awaited Messiah who was to share with us the knowledge and the messages that comes with it through GOD's living word and that is our BIBLE. As we listen and understand through the parables that Jesus shared in Matthew 13...the parable of The Sower..the parable of The Weeds and the Wheat..the parable of the Mustard Seed and the parable of the Yeast we are being made to understand the mysteries of GOD's kingdom which is not a place or buildings but actually the values of everyday Christians living and which are peace,joy,love and righteousness.
Jesus was asked why he talks in parables and HE answered in such manner..in verse Matt 13:13...Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. With this I came across this passage from Isaiah 6:9-10

And HE said, "Go, and tell this people:

Keep on hearing, but do not understand
Keep on seeing, but do not perceive

Make the heart of this people dull
And their ears heavy
And shut their eyes
Lest they see with their eyes
And hear with their ears
And understand with their heart
And return and be healed."

Thanking all for giving time to read this posting...God bless all..

2009-07-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Procrastination... this is sinning to myself...to GOD the creator...the sin of laziness...
The questions that will and might pops out are..why..what..how? My other passion besides cooking..baking..munching..."sunsetting"...that's from my limited edition vocabulary list which is known only to me...to share with you.. are writing and photography. Day by day I kept telling myself that today i will find time to sit and write something and get on with my 1st assignment but i always have other issues that will deter me from doing so. So hopefully by posting it on my blog it will remind me of the urgency that i have to scribble away and get busy with words and alphabets. Hey...wait a minute..i have actually started...i am writing right? Fine...and bravo to me...will continue next in my next posting..ciao to all...

Donuts Attack...on a Sizzling Sunday Afternoon

2009-07-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

Its crazy...its madness...its awesome...my first attempt of making my own donuts...though the looks of my donuts is not as "mouth watering" as Apple Donuts...but yet it was a real 1st attempt success....no...wait...a blessing from GOD...as per Fr John's sermon this morning...
I have been craving for donuts for ages...and yesterday i bought the donuts recipe book and so without wasting any more precious moments...I decided to venture...
So after my Ice City treat with the children i bought my ingredients and it was...bumblebee buzz and buzzed in the kitchen...
Its really indeed a blessing when someone finally invented that machine that we called the "bread machine". It certainly makes sense when it comes to preparing the dough for the donuts...
The task was so much lighter and burden lifted when it comes to the kneading and rubbing part...i hate that...but with a bread maker...its really a GOD sent kitchen helper.
From today onwards we will see more donuts coming from my kitchen...still not satisfied with the results, even though it was a "finger licking" donuts.. because i have yet to perfect the finishing touch of my donuts...close to Apple donuts standard...well..no harm in targetting that level...right?
The recipe? Anyone who is interested it is as per details:

A:
400g High Protein flour
100g Superfine flour
10g instant yeast

B:
80g sugar
10g salt
20g milk powder

C:
1 egg
250g cold water

D:
100g butter

Method:
1. Mix A..add in B..and then C
2. Beat at medium speed for 5 minutes and add in D.
3. Mix for further 10-15 mins un til it is smooth and elastic.
4. Leave the dough on floured surface, covered with plastic sheet and let it rise for 30 minutes.
5. Roll out the dough to 1-1.5 cm in thickness and rest for 10 mins.
6. Cut it out and transfer to a floured tray and leave aside for a further 30 mins.
7. Heat up sufficient oil and fry till golden brown.
8. Dish out and drain, let it cool before coating with fine caster sugar.

I hope this DIY donuts will stir some excitement in your kitchen....happy experimenting and fun..ciao..

English Vs BM

2009-07-08T22:28:00.001-07:00

What an issue...and what's happening to our education system...in short..it has become a victim..the future generation...talking about being global...this is just pure nonsense...
For how long are we going to tolerate all this..can someone just try putting themself in the shoes of those children and those teachers...
Education is what will groom and shape the future generation who will in turn rule our country Malaysia...and at this point in time..the numerous times that I have come across candidates for interviews..the standard of their English command is a nightmare.
For every cabinet minister reshuffled...the education system is not spared..from one minister to another there is always changes...from English to BM..from BM to English...back and forth.
How many of their children are faithfully being "Malaysian educated"...lets just be fair and square with each other...there's no exception for anyone...if they think that to teach Maths and Science in BM will prove the better for us Malaysians...please make sure that their children are also studying right here in Malaysia...not overseas.
Being able to converse well in English language is an art itself...and being a Malaysian we can learn and grasp the BM language at any time....finally...please be kind to our education system...just maintain what we have now and let it grow and flourish to a greater heights....

2009-07-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

Start Over...crosses my path today and it goes like this...

When you have trusted God and walked his way
When you have felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another day...

Start over...
When you made your plans and they have gone awry
When you have tried your best and there's no more to try
When you have failed yourself and you don't know why...
Start over...
When you have told your friends what you plan to do
When you have trusted them and they did not come through
And you are all alone and it's up to you...
Start over...
When you have failed your kids and they are grown and gone
When you have done your best but it turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren comes along...
Start over...
When you have prayed to God so you know his will
When you have prayed and prayed and you don't know still
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill...
Start over...
When you think you are finished and want to quit
When you have bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you have trried and tried to get out of it...
Start over...
When the year has been long and successes are few
When December comes and you are feeling blue
God gives a January just for you...
Start over...
means "Victories Won"
means "A race well run"
means "God's Will be Done"
And that means don't just sit there

Doggy Walks...

2009-07-01T03:27:00.001-07:00

As I drove home from morning mass today I noticed a dog waiting to cross the road...and I wonder if that little doggy can managed to cross over to the other side...

What a mighty awesome God we have..that he created these adorable furry creatures that is able to watch and wait till it is safe to cross the road...that doggies are able to estimate the distance of an on coming car before it can make the decision to walk on safely...

Have you all ever wonder about this?
Amazing....that they are created in such manner...thank you LORD for letting my mind wonder and ponder about your mighty works...Amen

Tears in and from Heaven....

2009-06-29T21:17:00.001-07:00

By the seconds..by the minutes..by the hours..by the days...by the months
I have watched you..I have said prayers for you..giving myself hope that you will come home..
I live each moments of my days praying for conversion...for forgiveness...
Till today...my hopes are still for you
Why are you still living in continuous denial?
What is it that will make you move on and make everyone happy for once..
Is it me Lord?
Have I been praying for the wrong reasons and issues...
Is it for my own benefit?
Whatever it is Lord..Give me the strength..courage and perseverance to go down this unfavourable lane...in order for your child to come back to you...
Feed me with your living words...so that I will be the channel for you to unite your child to your bleeding heart...
Come Lord...send me your angels and saints to help and guide me thru this...

In your most precious blood and name Lord Jesus I pray...Amen

LAVENDERS & ROSES

2009-06-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

Lavenders and roses...the two flowers that are so fascinating..their smells...lingers on and on... and it can drives away my stressful days...well for me at least...thank you Lord for these beautiful flowers...lavenders..reminds me of that beautiful church...St Paul in Rome...and roses...that reminds me of the Blessed Virgin Mary...the secrets of the rosary...every Hail Mary that we pray is a beautiful rose that we present to Mother Mary...

Sunday School - Bible Study 2

2009-06-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

21st June 2009...Sunday School resumes today...the class turned up was satisfactory...and the lesson for today was..Jesus's Baptism. The class starts with the Baptismal Renewal rites...there were alot of puzzled looks on the faces of the young ones...but anyway lessons continues...

Matthew 3:13-17....The Baptism...
John The Baptist was not willing to baptist Jesus because HE was much greater than John and furthermore Jesus was sinless. Nevertheless Jesus insists on being baptised by John in his obedience to God's will and to show that he was one with all sinners..to fulfill what the scriptures says and to accept the mission that GOD had given him....nya panjai mai tu ahhh...how the children takes this...so many to digest...hopes it gets into their system...

While for us...what does it means?
The usage of water in baptism...what does it symbolised...water to quench our thirsts...for God The Almighty...and water as an agent for cleansing and cleaning..a renewed person...body,mind and soul..
God also places a special mark or sign on us that cannot be erased...we became children of God and we called GOD...Our Heavenly Father and we belongs to the Catholic Church...with it comes spiritual support,sacraments and prayers...our responsibilities to follow teachings of the church,serving others and helping others..
We also receives the the gift of the Holy Spirit who becomes our special friend...then we are all being called to share in God's mission....

Hermmm...is this too much to handle for my Bible Study 2...for one beautiful sunday morning...may GOD blesses them for the following week ahead...

It is not easy to get the attention of these children...some are shy..quiet..the girls..while for the boys...well..what can I say...the usual comments for boys...

Bye for now...bumbleebee buzzes off...

2009-06-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

19th June 2009 - The Scared Heart of Jesus

O Scared Heart of Jesus...
The Heart that mankind despise...
The Heart that was pierced by the lance...
The Heart that was brokened thru and thru by our sins
The Heart that continuously forgives us
Eventhough we sinned again and again...

Today O Lord...
We surrender ourselves to you
We pray for continuous healing & deliverance
We pray for Christ to move our heart and to cling to HIM
We pray for Christ to draw our heart close to his Scared Heart
We pray for Christ to mould us and to shape us into his own self image
And to grant us to love and adore HIS MOST SCARED HEART...

Proverbs Chpt 3 - Guidance for the Young

2009-06-17T03:50:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to all the The Young Ones who are in my life....

My son, do not forget my law
But let your heart keep my commands
For length of days and long life
And peace they will add to you

Let not mercy and truth forsake you
Bind them around your neck
Write them on the tablet of your heart
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
And he shall direct your paths

Do not be wise in your own eyes
Fear the Lord and depart from evil
It will be health to your flesh
And strength to your bones

2009-06-17T03:37:00.000-07:00

Simon Sudin Manja's 52nd Birthday

2009-06-17T02:22:00.000-07:00

15th June 2009...was your 52nd birthday....maaf yah...only managed to do posting today....still resting....I pray that the Lord will continue to bless you with good health..and to grant you the graces to being able to unite yourself to Christ and that the precious blood of Christ will purify and cleansed you every single day....

FR.RUFUS PEREIRA'S Retreat...9th - 12 th June 2009

2009-06-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

9th June 2009

What a blessing indeed...drove the new Vios to Sibu for Fr Rufus 's Healing & Deliverance retreat...my passengers were...Yen..Yon..Rex and Titom...convoy together with my sisters in Christ...Rita..the 2 Pats and not forgetting Gavin..we left at 11:00 am...stop over at selangau for lunch....and we went to sibu town for further "jalan-jalan cari makan" session... around 5:00pm we arrived at The Pastoral Centre...ready to freshen up and dinner time .....mamam again...
After dinner...the 1st session was introduction from Fr Rufus....and he is one of the most respected Catholic priests in the Ministry of Healing & Deliverance in the Catholic Church worldwide.

1oth - 11th June 2009

The day starts with breakfast at 7:00am and right after the talks begun...for the next 2 days.
In between talks and at the end...fellow brothers and sisters from Bintulu..Miri..Kuching..Sibu were waiting to meet Fr Rufus...and I managed to do so...with much perseverance in waiting...although it was not my turn...just waiting and praying that if the Lord wants me to see Fr Rufus in person..then it will happen...and with God's graces he granted it...I went in to see him at around 23:00 hrs...

On the evening of 11th June 2009...there was a Mass & Faith Rally at Sacred Heart Cathedral...but I decided not to go...the girls went with their aunty Rita.
Bishop Dominic Su conducted Mass at the chapel & praying over session...together with the Healing & Counselling Group from the Philippines. I managed to get hold of Bishop Su and went for a counselling session with him...when the 2 minutes allowance was extended to like 30 minutes...

12th June 2009

I believe that the most awaited moment was the Praying Over by Fr Rufus...and most of us there were slain by the Holy Spirit...a healing and deliverance process...
A remark made by Fr Rufus...we have to pray for the continuos healing to take place...this somehow strikes my head...and yes....upon reaching home...I continued to pray for healing and I was immersed in that peacefull feelings like 4 days stretched...my mind..heart...no longer "congested"....an emptiness... but with a different kind...indeed when you really surrender all your burden..worries...the trials...up to the Lord...HE will takes it all...because HE loves us...

I am glad and very happy that the girls came together with me during this retreat...mind you dear bro & sis in christ...children..young people have an equivalent amount of deep hurts within them that we parents do not acknowledge or even aware of it...Charraine and Pheonne have their own sharing to do and from what I observed there are some changes within them....

Charraine managed to meet up with Fr Rufus at the very last moment...and I thanked & praised you O Lord...for granting it...

Hopefully we will get to meet Fr Rufus again...may be in 2011....till then God bless all

Sorry...this time no photos to share...because I purposely left my camera...no papaarazzi time...

Photos from Gawai Break 2009 (Part 2)

2009-06-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

Just sharing some of the photos taken during Gawai....

Gawai 2009 Break - Rh Jack Sigi, Sera, Sebauh

2009-06-16T07:02:00.001-07:00

Gawai Break 2009

Myself and girls..Yen & Yon went back to the longhouse on the 31st May, 2009...while daddy went back to Sibu to visit the family there. This year the longhouse folks celebrated Gawai with their new Tuai Rumah...Uncle Jack @ Apai Doris..mummy's cousin...gawai with a difference..

In the evening we all went to visit my great grandpa's resting place...say some prayers and reflections on his history...

1st June evening...we came back to Bintulu...to prepare for Dato Tiong's gawai visit to Taman Tinggi...scheduled to be on the 2nd June....

2009-06-16T04:35:00.000-07:00

So....it does work...clever me...hahaaaa.....its been a long time and quite a while...too long a break i guess..but then its a good break..a much needed one...Gawai 2009 is officially over..but the celebration still goes on...nyau ka ngiling tikai gak...but then I am not too excited about it...enough of merry making for now...time to move on...that's for me..i have to tackle the next challenge now..,preparing my daughters for their public examination...PMR & SPM...arap ke Tuhan merkat semua pengawa seduai iya....ngiring lalu nunjuk jalai ke betul...Amen.

2009-06-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

Hello there...the picture to the left is Our Lady Queen of Peace..Medugorje...I am learning how to post photos onto my blog....let's see if this works...God blesses every one reading this...

2009-05-28T23:52:00.001-07:00

Traffic rules...break my heart...

2009-05-28T01:30:00.000-07:00

Morning of 28th May, 2009...What a morning...got knock from behind by van sewa...BMG 9014...and according to traffic rules..within a distance of 10 metres..when we drive out from a junction...we are on the wrong side...beware road users...that's life in the real world...putting this incident aside...its a real moments of praise and thanksgiving to GOD...for watching over me..that i came out unscratch..just my RED MYVI that got its paint peeled off...huuuuuhhhhuu...so sad...not only that...i am getting rid of it...in exchange for Toyota Vios...broken hearted me...to depart from my RED MYVI...such a comfy car...

2009-05-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

27th May, 2009

My daddy's 69th birthday..God bless him abundantly..grant him the graces that he will recognizes U in all things and ABOVE all things..grant him wisdom ..strength..health..and many more birthday's to come...I love you daddy..God blesses your ways too.

2009-05-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

26th May, 2009....19th Wedding Anniversary..taken to dinner at Marco Polo and I was presented with a CD.."Soul & Relax" and a motivational book...no comments....

2009-05-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Bumblebee's Corner....
Still new to this blog...so please bear with me...give me time...we all have got to start some where...never too late to learn and start...

Today...26th May, 2009...created this blog and its my 19th Wedding Anniversary...God bless my husband and my marriage...

So till then...keep peeping in...