Without You

Hello Pink Panther
Its Christmas dear...we were planning to spend it together with Uthan and Wennie...at their new home. They also sayang you so much...I know Uthan has been looking forward to that drinking session with you and all the Christmas cheerings to the tables,chairs and the endless "one for the road"... But then you left us and here I am spending this Christmas WITHOUT you. At times I wonder how can you be so selfish by not sharing with me of your pains and sickness earlier. There are so many "IFs"....and my tears will never washed them away.
Why you left and abandon me in such critical moments? The girls will need your guidance and advice so badly...but when I remember how you used to talk to them about how well they can cope and carry themselves...I felt waves of peace flowing through. I guessed thats your legacy to them. Please pray for us on earth here dadi...that we will be fine without you.
May the angels and saints be with you always and also Mama Mary and Jesus our Lord.
Love and Miss you so much...

Without You

Dear Pink Panther...
Wherever you are...
Are you looking down at the three of us from heaven...
If you are doing just that...
Would like you to know that We missed you so much...
Words just never enough to express all that..
You must be laughing till you get all wrinkled up there kan dadi?

I have to admit life is not any easier now that you are gone...
At times I wonder if it really for a good caused...
Or more heartbreaks to come...
Where can I go and what will I do from now
If not for the girls I just want to do nothing at all and continue to mourn your loss...
ALONE...away from all these...
Till God decide its time for me to go and meet you...
Love you dadi PINK PANTHER....

Week 1 - Without You

Engelbert Humperdink...There goes my everything..thank you for such a nice and beautiful song that I can relate myself to...
Yes there goes everything...this morning upon waking up I felt so empty...gone are the mornings when I rushed to see how you are doing...asking how is the pain, did you sleep well...what would you like to eat today Dadi? No more blending fruit juices for you,no more pressure cooking...no more setting breakfasts and forcing you to eat all those food and with all these my only hope is we can fight the cancer...ciao...and God bless

Final Scene of Pink Panther,Adenocarcinoma & Me

The scene ends here...15th December, 2009 at 1:15pm...peacefully Pink Panther left us at Prince Court Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur. No amount of words can express how we all feel...only God almighty know best...but whatever it is...Pink Panther will always be close to our heart...among family,friends and relatives. The funeral mass was at St Anthony Church Bintulu and his body was laid to rest at the Catholic Cemetery on the 19th December, 2009...ciao and God bless...

The family

My very last goodbye and wishes for you

The Sacred Heart of Jesus & Immaculate Mother Mary accompanying you

Sending you home with prayers

The things that Aunty Rebecca laboured herself thru for the love of you

Goodbyes...and goodbyes... endlessly...may you go with the angels and the saints

Pink Panther & Prince Court Medical Centre

Today Pink Panther is quiet...must be exhausted from all the excitement yesterday...Charraine, mummy and daddy arrived from Bintulu yesterday. He continued his opera singing...did some writing or rather scribbling away....his request was to have dinner with Dr Kana and the nurses...with the doctors and nurses in Prince Court...nice dinner,ice cream...make that vanilla please... and Australian red wine...ended with OK...and signed off his signature...

BB Yonn birthday today...15th birthday...sang birthday song in the ICU room...Helen and Dora brought Chocolate cake for her...

Pink Panther - Still in Prince Court Medical Centre

The waiting is extended from Monday 7th December till today...the minute my mind remembers Pink Panther my tears would trickle and there I go sniffling away and BB Yonn will ask...Why you mummy? My reply...mmm just thinking...
Anyway today as usual came in to visit Pink Panther around 10am...the nurse shared that he was singing away last night mumbling away to that song...Persembahan ku...must have entertained the other patients too. So today he was so drowsy...did not move much. Father Valentine came in the afternoon to say prayers and gave him Holy Communion.

Dear All...lets pray for strength,deliverance,conversion and forgiveness for Pink Panther and also for ourselves...and may healing comes...that's all for now..Ciao...

Pink Panther & Prince Court Medical Centre, KL

Dear all..its been a while...a long while...
Since 3rd November, 2009...my days have been so hectic...it goes like this...

6th November,2009
Pink Panther..BB Yonn and myself flew back to Land of The Hornbills today...our flight was delayed for almost 2 hours...in the end we have to change aircraft.
Being home was supposed to be a "Home sweet Home" scenario but in the end it turn out differently...stressed us out actually...the 1st week being home was an adjustment period for Pink Panther..2nd week was an improvement period...end of 3rd week was a going down hill for him...coming to the beginning of the 4th week was a disorientated week...in between those weeks...the scenes were...nights with high fever...persuasion in eating and lots of discomfort...in the end after consultation with Dr Lau and Dr Kana we flew back earlier and that was 2nd December, 2009 to the battlefield....NCI

At NCI...from 2nd December til 5th December, 2009
Immediately upon arrival we were admitted to the ward...
Through out the night...Pink Panther was restless...and I was without the Vitamin Sleep...nothing new for me..feels like a zombie...
The next morning went for scan on his brain...the outcome was...pressure and fluid within and that results in him being admitted to the Intensive Care Unit for close monitoring...there were times that he knew me and he is not aware of his surroundings...lots of amusing moments too...

With these we were referred to Prince Court Medical Center to see a neurosurgeon..Dr Jagdeep.
All arrangements were made by NCI and we were driven by an ambulance that morning to the ER...appointment was at 9am and after consultation with Dr Jagdeep all issues were put out front for me to digest...not a pleasant one.
1st option...just to wait and do nothing and Pink Panther will end up in coma...2nd option was just to drain the fluid with the possibility of the pressure and fluid to reoccur...and 3rd option was to go for the major works...operation to remove the tumor and drain the fluid and be prepared for the risks that comes with it...

Dr Jagdeep: How do you feel about this?
Bumblebee: How do I feel? Blank....for me to be responsible for Pink Panther's life...Lord help me....come to my aid now.....fasssssttt...
Dr Jagdeep: You think about it first...
Bumblebee:....think?????

I went back to Pink Panther with BB Yonn close by me...i told him why we were in Prince Court and the scenario...knowing very well that he would not be remembering all that I have pour out to him at that moment...but yet he confidently said...Lets do it Mami....

I called my parents and finally Dr Kana...for words of comfort and to know that I will be doing and deciding what is best for Pink Panther...

Bumblebee: I will gamble for this operation..I will be strong..I will take the risks...what ever comes...

A word of comfort that comes to my mind from my dearest and closest friend...WEBET...Take and bear that CROSS silently like Mother Mary...ok...SILENTLY...God bless you abundantly WEBET...


1:30pm
The operation was to be done...signed all the necessary forms and the waiting was like 3 hrs....but it was only at 5:30pm that I received a called from the nurse to inform me that Pink Panther was out from the operation room...from there....it was a scene of waiting...seizures...and lots of prayers...and till today. But overall the operation turned out well with no complications and for now we just wait and pray....till then CIAO all and GOD BLEss...